We all wish to grow personally, become better versions of ourselves. But what does this mean?
For me, this means getting to know myself, what it means to be myself. And in this journey of self-discovery, I had to find the subconscious patterns and programs running my emotional system without my awareness, and the blind spots of my personality that I was not seeing. (alert: this is a work in progress!)
I have been unlocking different tools that have helped me get to know myself. To understand the way my emotions work and how I better navigate reality. And today, I wish to share with you one of the most powerful tools. One that is free, and inevitable:
Our interaction with each other.
Yes! We are reflections of each other is more than just fluffy words. Let me explain how you can easily utilize your encounters with other human beings to speed up your own human evolution.
When we come in contact with each other, and establish a relationship of whatever sort, we are automatically scanning the other person to understand what we have in front of us and how to operate in relationship with that.
In that scanner, we put all our skills (consciously or not) that we have gathered for many years. We utilize all the tools we have to read the other one’s body language, the intentions behind the words, the way speech comes through, the volume and tone of the voice, the enthusiasm or apathy of emotions, and thousand more details that create a diagnostic of the other person, in an inevitable process of knowing.
All this data that is being collected by us can help us see from a very different angle even our own persona. If we can tune into it, if we can even open a dialogue for it, is a precious amount of information about me that I get to receive for free.
In a deeper, mostly unconscious, layer, we are also scanning how the other one make us feel, if it produces a sense of peaceful trust, or a sense of alert precaution, if our own bodies relax next to this person or if we feel the need to leave soon, if he or she inspires us to share and open up or if we feel the need to listen more and talk less. Here is when what I love to call the inner dance happens. The inner dance between two people is what can show you where your triggers are and how to access them.
When two dancers are on the dance floor with no preconceived choreography, a phenomenon of active listening happens and we generate movement based on the points where we offer resistance to the other. A dynamic of yielding, resisting, allowing or inviting takes place, and movement evolves.
In the same way, through the interactions with the other, the conversation or the relationship only evolves when we find those points of contact and use them to propel the connection to the next level. The points of friction can be disagreements, different opinions, or shared passions and complete harmonious understanding, regardless of the outcome. What matters is that those triggers get activated, and if we get to observe them with awareness, they will give us very valuable information of where we are at. Where we really are at!
This is the way we are every day helping each other evolve. It is happening anyway, but bringing awareness to it just makes it more fun and less dramatic when it gets difficult.
So, next time you come in contact with another human being, listen to how he or she affects you as much as what he or she is reflecting back to you about yourself. It is not so much about getting to know them, but about getting to know in more depth who you are.
Watch my last video C O N N E C T I O N S. I share more yummy ideas about this topic from beautiful Bali!!
Layla El Khadri